dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
