I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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