Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
