life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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