The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
