'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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