I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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