Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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