She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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