physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
