Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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