Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
