There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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