New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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