i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just tell him i said nine months
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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