Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
