We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how drunk are you?
Several
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
