i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
