dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
