You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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