waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
