He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
