Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
