I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
