We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
