Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
