i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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