i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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