I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
