Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't deserve a penis
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
