'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
