I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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