do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
