I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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