I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
