I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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