I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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