would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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