suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
