I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
