Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
