The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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