I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
