I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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