Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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