just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
