No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
