is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
