im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
