My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
