I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
