The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
